I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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