WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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