So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
