People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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