we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do vagina's smell?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
