How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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