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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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