I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
