This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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