lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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