i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize