My room smells like vodka and shame
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
