it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
