Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
