Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
