my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Success! We fucked roommates!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
