best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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