mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
