They should really pass out barf bags in church
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I lost the right to judge tonight
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
