the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
