Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
