are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is it because I queefed?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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