The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
