You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
