this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
