Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
