i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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