How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You need a sexual gate keeper
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
