It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am available for nakedness
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
