yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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