Can i not drive my cunt home
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
