Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
