All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
