I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
