im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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