i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize