Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My feet surprised me
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
