she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Panties = found
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
