He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
