I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
