seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Randomize
