you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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