Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
