If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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