I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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