i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
