is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
