So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
