CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
