The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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