I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
