It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Randomize
