i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
