I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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