i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
tell me about the eggs
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize