So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
