When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
