i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
