I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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