STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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