i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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