Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
