Pants 0. Shit 1.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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