The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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