i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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