Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
