he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I love you. Go after that dick
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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