your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
