I'm laying in your front yard are you home
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
