Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
