i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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