I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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