probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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