Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
