If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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