Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
