it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
